Conundrums and Impact

This is not the post I planned to publish this month. My intent for this post was to discuss rurality and its impact on Fort Smith teachers (I promise, there is an impact). But, it can wait until next month. Instead, let's chat about uncomfortable and awkward professional moments. 

A couple of months ago, I interviewed for a local, rural high school principal position. I was stoked about the opportunity, so I Showed Up for the interview! To prepare, I studied the population, the community traditions, the instructional strengths and weaknesses, and how the school leadership communicated with the external community. I even familiarized myself with local organizations interconnected with the school community. It was absolutely the best interview I have ever had. I actually drove away, terrified that I may be selected as the instructional leader of a high school when I have absolutely no high school experience.  

Fast forward to May 18 and an invitation to interview for a middle school assistant principal position in my district. The district I have served for 12 years and in which leaders have immersed me in opportunity. I prepared just as vehemently as I prepared for the previous interview. However, I did not hit a home run. 

I awoke the morning of the interview and followed my daily routine- doctoral coursework, exercise, then pamper and primp for work. Everything was going smoothly..... until it wasn't (I'll save that story for another time). From the start of the interview, I felt I was navigating an unknown arena, attempting to speak a strange language. Make no mistake. I am well-versed in the language, and the arena is familiar, but my mind was blank during those moments. I was on a metaphorical stage surrounded by the district leaders with whom I felt great comfort. I serve on the Guiding Coalition with them and feel no trepidation or intimidation in their presence. Regardless, my audition for building leadership was a flop, to put it kindly.

As I drove away, I reflected on the experience. Emotions of defeat and embarrassment coursed through me. I felt as though I had disappointed the group by whom I was interviewed, not to mention my extraordinary mentors who spent years preparing me for that moment. I compared the two interview experiences wondering why the first was such a positive experience while the next was disastrous. 

The comparison led me to three profound realizations. First, I need to embrace the value of my current professional capacity. Second, I did not really believe the rural district would select me as their high school principal. I have no experience as a building administrator. Third, I do not want to be a building administrator. Because of this awareness, I may never climb the administrative ladder in an educational realm. But it's ok. I am giving myself permission to refrain from stair-stepping the inclining rungs of the proverbial ladder. It's ok because I will positively impact people and organizations regardless of what I do. 

Having a positive impact is a mighty fine legacy. I can live with that.